I'm Still Here!

For those of you who thought I'd dropped off the bloggyville planet, it's just not so! But I have to say that things are not the same anymore for me...you see, I've been wearing a mask. Sunday afternoon, the mask came off. The thing about blind spots is how can one know there is a blind spot unless someone loves you enough to expose it and I didn't know I had this mask on, really I didn't have a clue...but those who love me saw the mask, and they really loved me enough that they sat down with me. The mask was pride, selfishness, judgment, and offense. I wore it so well and long that I never took it off. Except perhaps when I was in worship...that's the only time I would take it off. Wearing a mask made me say and do things that weren't really me, but what I 'thought' was who I was...too much at stake to be honest, risk, fear of more rejection. Not going there...a mask is much safer, kinda like a blog...don't get too close, you might not like me, so when I blog, I can express myself and not worry about what you think...huh? Perhaps that's why I began writing...it's all come down.
I was trained to wear a mask as a child...it's called hypocrisy. SO ugly, but I felt I had to wear one in order to cover the hurt from the rejection, abuse that I'd gone through. It's difficult to write all this out, but I know the enemy hides in the dark. Those who love the Light come into the Light to show their works are done in God...these weren't and therefore were kept 'hidden'...except that they were hidden from me. I was blinded by the sin.
There has been this constant struggle within myself of taking things personally, getting offended, hurt, feeling rejected, misunderstanding words that were spoken to me and misinterpreting those words (see the power of words?), and then judging everyone and everything through this sickly heart and mind.
Oh, but for His Love and Mercy!
As a child, I was abused, taught things that weren't truth about me, raised in perversion,but then to cover it up, we pretended...if we were to survive, we had to pretend. Rejection is a result of rebellion. There was a point in my life that I rebelled due to a trespass against me, which, in turn produced rejection and that coupled with the hypocrisy from the other authority in my life produced these bondages, open doors for the enemy to wreck havoc in my life.
So, then rebellion began to grow deep roots...Physical family dysfunction makes it difficult to relate in one's spiritual family. But in the kingdom of God, there are no secrets and since He is coming for a church without spot, wrinkle or blemish, Praise Him for His true authority to do the hard and difficult things and perform heart surgery on me in order for me to be healed, body, soul and spirit~!
I'd been desperately crying out and asking Him why these same issues (offenses) kept tripping me up,
...but the blood of Jesus...He has such mercy, tender lovingkindness to patiently pursue me! He brought the power of the Spirit of the Living God through those that He's set over me to cover, protect, encourage, equip and shepherd me and they sat down with me and told me the truth about me that I needed to hear to set me free from the bondage I'd walked in and couldn't seem to get out of.
I needed to forgive someone very dear to me that I really hadn't given any thought to. (That was really big (evidenced by the emotions when this person's name was brought up and I was asked if I'd forgiven this person!) I needed to see the mask, ask to be forgiven for the hypocrisy that had become idolatry in my life, and take off the mask, renounce the pride in my life, hypocrisy, and offense and receive His forgiveness, love and begin to be who I am in Christ, not Daune.
I'd like to write that immediately I 'felt' great, but when I realized that I'd been living a lie in certain areas of my life, I had to see the only Truth is in the Word of God and His mercy to show me these things and then I had to trust Him to show me how to live my life through Truth, the only way to live.
These are the two Scriptures He gave me the next morning:

"Let the godly strike me!

It will be a kindness!

If they correct me, it is soothing medicine.

Don't let me refuse it."

Psalm 141: 5

"May Your Gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."

Psalm 143:10

The second verse came as a result of me crying out wondering 'what do I do now?' I was reminded of Joyce Meyer commenting on how after God had freed her from the chaos and insanity of her life, she wondered how to just enjoy peace and rest...that place of turning from death to the Life...yet, it's all good...I've made some decisions and am taking steps in faith to change some things around in my life. Get off the sidelines, be who I am in Jesus and not fear man, worry about things that don't matter, trust God with the things I don't understand, continue to submit myself to Him and to my husband, take my thoughts captive when the enemy attempts to hit me with lies and/or discouragement and walk in faith.

Thanks for 'listening'!